Statements such as "I think we feel," "It seems we," or "I believe we," are really statements which attempt to speak for a group, or to describe a group state of mind, and are not 'I' statements.
Thoughts and feelings are different. Thoughts are in the head, the mind and are cognitive. Feelings are in the 'gut', are emotions and can also be physical. Some words that indicate thoughts are think, opinion, belief, know, realize, understand, and recall. Feelings are indicated by words such as, sad, happy, glad, loving, guilty, rushed, relaxed and tired.
Statements such as "I feel that," "I feel like it is," I feel that you, " and "I feel it is" are really opinions, beliefs or thoughts. Statements about emotions have no words between the "I feel" and the emotion. A clarity test is, if you can substitute words such as believe, think or know for the" I feel that" phrase you are dealing in head matters.
Appreciation's (I liked what you did, That was good, I enjoyed it when you did, That was terrific), are wonderful, great to hear and everyone needs to be appreciated. It is important to remember that appreciations are not feedback.
Feedback provides behavioral information so that a person can repeat what was effective, desired or appropriate. Feedback also provides information about behaviors that were not so effective, useful or helpful so that a person can change that behavior if they so choose.
Feedback consists of a description of behavior and the impact of that behavior on others. It consists of something said or done. You can video, or audio, tape behavior. What is not said or done can also be observed and recorded. Silence can be heard, and immobility can be seen on a recording.
Organizing feedback is helpful. Try using the model: setting (where and when) + fact (observable behavior) + impact (what you felt or did, or others did, in response)
Language is important. Not only does what you say and how you say it have an impact on others, but also the words you use in your message will influence how you are perceived and whether or not others listen to you. The words you use create the environment in which you live.
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